I'm Definitely Not A Dugger, A Brady or even a Huxtable

On the subject of pregnancy: My period is late and I've been watching too much DiscoveryHealth Channel. Have you seen those shows about the Duggers? I'm talking what? 17 or are they up to 18 kids now? I might be catching old episodes of "Meet The Duggers" shows so I've lost count. I'm so not an 18 children kind of person, not a 6 children or even a 5 or 4 children kind of person. I have my (hopefully) last child in full time school and I think I might be getting a life again. Awe, that sounds like I had no life before. I did, I did. And I loved every stinkin' minute of it, I swear. I ate all that baby crap up. I love chubby thighs (just not on myself) and the coo'ing and drooling and first I love yous and cute little toddler toddling. But after lovin on 3 pair of chubby cheeks, I choose to be "all done" with all of that. I feel done. I keep telling myself that, anyway. I've written before about this very subject but I always come to the same conclusion: I loved the babies but am glad that phase of my life is over.
Right after Braden was born, I wasn't done. Larry and I tried to have just one more. I had surgery, he had little Larry and the soldiers given the once over but it just wasn't what the universe had in mind for us, I guess. We even looked into foster to adopt and international adoption but when we couldn't even find time to attend the classes required for either of those endeavors, that was a clear and undeniable sign that maybe three kids was enough. It would have been selfish to bring another child into our lives when we might not have the time to give that child all that we'd want it to have. Since having Braden, we haven't exactly done anything to prevent a pregnancy either but after almost 7 years, we're pretty convinced that it can't happen. Uh, except I seem to have a baby every 7 years. Logan is almost 21, Ian is almost 14 and Braden will be 7 in October. See a pattern here?
When Larry and I went to the seminar for the weight loss surgery, they cautioned us about surprise pregnancies happening after having the surgery. Not only do the hormones come back in line as the weight comes off but so does the energy level, the self confidence, the sass in your ass, and all that? can only mean one thing: a whole lotta something going on in the bedroom. Sexual relations. It's too bad that all that good fun could result in an oh fuck pregnancy (no pun intended).

Which brings me to this morning. No signs of my period coming any time soon. No PMS pimple, no headache, no cravings. Nothing. In fact, 3 times last night I tried to smoke a cigarette and it made me nauseous. And, it would be just my luck to get rolling on this weight loss thing and then get knocked up.
On the very off off off chance, in the very very very unlikely, impossibly impossible, no chance in hell, when pigs fly out of my ass chance that I might possibly be, but highly unlikely, be uh, (that P word), I'm a bit worried about my period being FOUR.DAYS.LATE. Well, of course there are so many reasons why it could be late. The surgery, the weight loss, peri menopause or full blown menopause, I still fear the double pink line as the reason.
How things change in 5 years. Where once I would have run out, bought pregnancy tests and started testing 2 days BEFORE my period was even due, today I'm trying to convince myself that the lateness is because of ANYTHING other than a pregnancy.
I'm so done having babies. I couldn't be more done. I'm 43 for God's sake. The baby making chapter of my life closed when I realized that I'm just too old to be chasing a toddler around the ball field. And since we spend 110% of our time at the ball field, I just don't want to do that again. It's physically and mentally draining. I've kidded Larry about another baby. Obviously we'd have to kick Logan out due to space and lack of bedrooms and it goes without saying that wed have to have a full time nanny. A LIVE IN Nanny. It's a no brainer. In all seriousness though, if (again with the disclaimer: big if, not possible, can't happen) it were to happen, yes, it'd be rough, high risk, high chance of fetal abnormalities, the diabetes, but we'd adjust and eventually welcome whatever is meant to be, whether it be a new baby or the beginnings of menopause. But I'm so not kidding about the nanny.
Easter pictures coming soon. Did she or did she not wear the dress? Stay tuned.